Family

Being a mom when your mom has passed

“Death ends a life but it doesn’t end a relationship that lives on in the mind of the survivor.”

I don’t like to write “sad” posts because it really isn’t my personality to dwell on things that are not positive.  However, being a mom when your mom has passed is something that has really challenged me over the last 10+ months.  Let’s be honest, living life without your mom is hard and as new life chapters start not having your mom there to help guide you through the challenges and the triumphs is something you are constantly re-learning how to deal with. I often times have found this article helpful. It reaffirms that it is ok to mourn and that with new life events that sorrow may hit you like a brick wall.

For those of you who do not know me personally my mom passed away not even a month after my wedding, it was somewhat sudden and unexpected… she had had health issues but had been seemly doing very well. It was quite a heartache to deal with.  My husband was and is wonderfully supportive, as well as, my friends and family. Honestly, without them I am not sure I would be where I am today.

It is hard to not be able to pick up the phone and call my mom whenever I have a question or wonder “was I like this as a baby?!” I couldn’t ask my mom how her pregnancy was or what I was like as a newborn.  Those are things I NEVER processed five years ago when she passed away… and when these new situations creep up, the emotions can come on full force.  Sometimes honestly a simple comment someone makes one Facebook about their mom will bring up though feelings, because honestly life can be very bitter sweet without when you hit those life milestones and wish your mom was there to share it with you.

So what have I done?  I reach out to friends and family.  I have a loving mother in law and mom friends that are there to give me advice and support.  I talk about my mom to others with less fear these days…. you know you don’t want people to “feel sorry for you”.  I allow myself to feel sad and know that it is okay to still grieve and be upset.  I read a blog post of an acquaintance from college who lost her mom and it has resonated with me [PS you should follow her journey about being BRCA1 +].  In the post it talks about how you are allowed to have a poor baby day. Everyone has days to feel sorry for themselves but her mom’s rule was that that you only got one day, after that, you had to pick yourself up and keep on keeping on.

I absolutely love that advice and have kept with it.  It is OKAY to have a bad day but know that tomorrow you will be better! Another affirmation that I like to live by is “not every day is joyful but there are bits of joy in everyday.”

If you every need to talk please don’t hesitate to send me a message.  Grief and sorrow are always changing and new challenges present themselves [especially with motherhood and other defining life moments].

MOM

XOXO Gabbing Ginger

 

0 thoughts on “Being a mom when your mom has passed”

  1. Lauren, we all loved your mom so much. She was very special. I think I first met you when you were just a little older than that picture up there. I’m just on the other side of town and you can call on me anytime!

  2. Me, too, Lauren. Although, none of us could ever take you mom’s place, I know we would love to be surrogate mamas and grandmas for you and your sweet baby boy! My mother passed away when Bailey was six and I still sometimes think, “Oh, I need to call mom and ask her ….” I guess you will always, sometimes, briefly forget. Just remember we have all known you since you were little and your family will always have a special place in our hearts.

  3. I can’t imagine what it is like to not have your mother. I am blessed to have a healthy 80 year old mother and I charish the time I spend with her. I am so proud of your accomplishments and I know your mother would be too. You and your mother are very special to me. There is no one like Jeannie. We all have fond memories of her.

    I especially appreciate your kindness when Bruce died. I think about him many times each day and want to ask him something or tell him about my day. There is a hole in my heart as I know there is in yours. Charish your friends and family while you have them.

    I’m sure you are a wonderful mother, wife and sister. If I can ever fill a void, you let me know!

  4. I went through the ame challenge when I had kids after my mom had passed away. The hardest was when my oldest turned 3 as my mom was a preschool teacher and I just wanted pointers on how to deal with 3 year olds.

  5. Lauren, that must be so hard! I cannot imagine and I am sure it is hard every time you hit a new milestone. Thank you for sharing your experience! I know it will help someone else going through the same thing!

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